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Monday, October 17, 2011

My Re-Initiation into Womanhood

I have been pregnant and/or breastfeeding for over 8 years now.  This little tidbit of information is important to note as my most recent revelation has to do with something that is old and familiar but in an odd way, sort of new and pretty annoying...my period.  Now, 99% of the men reading this blog have already turned their computers off by way of dropping it on the floor in horror.  This is something I've never understood.  I mean, simply reading this blog does NOT mean that you are going to get anything ON you.  The male reaction to the word tampon is also ridiculous.  Why is it that at the mere mention of that word, they snarl their lip and back away as quickly as possible?  Here is the thing boys, we don't purchase them used.  I'm sure that, by now, any man with enough kahunas to continue reading after the word "period" has officially logged off as the buzzing in their ears has now given way to lightheadedness.  Why is that?  Why is this such a big deal?  Maybe this is my nursing background coming to light, but I just don't see why we have to get all hush, hush and freaked out about it.  I mean, to me, we're just talking about body parts, and I've never seen anyone get all twitchy over an elbow.  Knowledge is power people, just ask questions.

But, I digress.  The real reason I've been so overwhelmed by this subject is that I've actually had to deal with it lately! Eight years is quite the hiatus after all, an apparently there are a lot of "new" annoyances associated with periods that I know were not there when I was in my early teens. This must be the new and "improved" version.  Anyway, it is extremely annoying to workout everyday, eat right, and finally start feeling good about yourself only to be blindsided by an animalistic need to devour 8,000 calories in the next 5 minutes.  This is NOT a joke, men.  It is NOT a "craving" as that implies that someone simply WANTS to eat a specific forbidden food.  I am talking about the fact that I would have chewed off my own right arm to have a plate of nachos the other day.  And, don't even get me started on the fatigue.  Holy crap!  This is worse than pregnancy.  My husband tried to tell me the other night that he was "tired."  This seems like a harmless statement, but not when you're saying it to a woman who is re-learning what it means to have to pick your eyelids up of the floor.

And perhaps, just perhaps I may be a little more moody than I remember???  I'm sure that my darling husband would disagree or at least he would have until a few days ago when he said one of the dumbest things I've ever heard spill from his lips (and that's no easy feat).  I was nursing our son, and he was reading the paper.  First of all, how nice would it be to get to sit in a chair by yourself and actually READ something while children are awake?  Anyway, he says (without even looking up from the paper), "You know, son, when you're 2 we're cutting you off."  Once the smoke coming from my ears cleared the room, I believe my rant went something like this:

"Oh, wasn't that interesting, Easton?  Wasn't it amazing to hear such a unilateral decision made by someone whose boob is NOT in your mouth? I mean, you would have thought that HE was the one getting up with you 3-6 times every night for the past year.  And HE must have been the one pumping every three hours when you were sick, bawling his eyes out wondering if the milk he was working so hard to preserve was ever going to be given to you?  He must be the guy that's working with you every day, at least 5 times a day trying to teach you to drink from a sippy cup while juice spills all over his arms and frustration threatens to send him heaving the cup through the kitchen window!"

I think he got the point.  

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