You Are Not Alone

 Many may skip this post, and honestly I hope you do. We're all so tired of hearing about, reading about covid. And if you skip reading the rest of this post, I hope that it means you haven't experienced this beast firsthand. I've said it before, and I'll say it again, I don't wish the pain of this virus on anyone. However, many of us haven't been so lucky. I've realized that what has made me feel the least alone in all of this is my unfortunate connection to people I've never met, who also happen to understand the complexity of symptoms I've experienced. So this isn't going to be scientific research.  It isn't going to be published in any journals. And it probably isn't even going to make sense to those who are in healthcare, because COVID DOESN'T MAKE SENSE. But, what I'm hoping it can do is make one more person feel less alone. 

Let's talk symptoms....

So when you first become infected with Covid-19, you'll likely have no idea. For the first couple of days you'll feel nothing. But then you'll start to feel tired, like you just can't get enough rest. But who isn't tired, right?? Who isn't over life right now between the pandemic, family life that isn't normal, politics, etc, right? We all have reasons to be tired. Then occasionally you may notice a tickle in your throat. It doesn't hurt and it only happens maybe 3 times a day at random times. Who notices that? Someone must be burning leaves, harvesting crops, something to cause a little throat irritation. It's so minor and so sporadic, you'll all but ignore it. At that point you'll notice the beginnings of a headache. Unfortunately, this bastard will likely move in and set up camp for the duration. Now it isn't going to be like normal illnesses where you feel the symptom, take some pain medicine and get relief. It won't get worse, then better, and be done. This jerk isn't effectively treated with pain medications, and it does occasionally go away, but it comes back with a vengeance. There are some who have found minimal relief with prescription migraine medication and occasionally ice packs to the back of their head, but other than that, not so much. 

As I continue through other symptoms, I want to preface this by saying I'm not discussing them in this way in order to perpetuate negativity, or to discourage others. Believe me, I needed the moments of positivity, the goals I set for myself each day, and the belief that I'd get better. However, I also needed to not feel crazy. I needed my symptoms, experiences and feelings to be validated. So, it is that concept that compels me to continue. 

After the headache, or maybe along with it, will come the low grade fever and body aches. You'll have chills like your fever is extremely high, but it may only hit 99-100. This happened about day 5 or 6 for me.  You'll have body aches with this, that at times feel like if someone even touches your skin you'll cry...even your eyelashes hurt. Then you'll wake up the next day and feel like maybe you were making it up the night before because now you feel fine and surely that can't happen. Viruses don't work like that. Well, wait for 4pm...it will remind you that you very much did NOT make it up. 

Now let's discuss taste and smell. Not everyone gets this symptom, but if you do get it, you don't even need the test to confirm it. You're covid positive.  This one is so completely covid that it's the no brainer symptom. I say this because so many of the other ones can be mistaken for any other virus/illness. I noticed my complete loss of taste on day 10. It was odd, and honestly it was an emotional symptom for me because I already felt awful, and now I couldn't even taste my food. I do remember eating a lot of raw broccoli with no dip because why not??? Can't taste it anyway! May as well take advantage, right?? :) So for me, I could eventually taste very extreme sweet, salty, or spicy, but they didn't taste extreme to me. It was like everything was muted. It did come back eventually but it was slowly and sporadic. I have my taste and smell now for the most part, on day 57, but I also now have a very strange smell in my nose sometimes that I can't get away from, and it is accompanied by a fun burning sensation. Some have reported having these sensations for 7-8 months after infection. There are groups that specifically discuss ways to help with this and it involves retraining your brain and nose to smell again. 

The muscle aches and body aches are another off and on symptom. Many of us have experienced cramping in our legs, specifically in our calves. I tried to stay as hydrated as possible to counteract this, as I assumed it was mostly related to electrolyte imbalance. 

The breathing and shortness of breath aspect of covid is certainly the scariest for most people. For me it was infuriating. It felt like someone had wrapped saran wrap around my lungs and just kept wrapping tighter. It wasn't like I just couldn't take a deep breath, I couldn't "finish" any breath. I would breathe in and feel like I was being stopped. Covid-19 is different than most pneumonias in that you can be extremely short of breath and your oxygen saturation can look fine. That is the part that was infuriating for my nurse brain. It didn't make sense. And I knew I was short of breath. I was not making it up, but it made me feel like people thought I was crazy. Luckily for me, I have an incredible physician. She listened to ME, not numbers. She knows my baseline and I wasn't there, so she worked with me every day to help me get back there, even when we were both frustrated and had no answers. I will always be grateful for that. I know not everyone is that fortunate. 

The only thing that helped at all for the shortness of breath was lying in the prone position. I would spend 5-6 hours a day lying over a pillow with barely enough energy to lift my head, but it gave me brief moments of relief from the constant pressure. 

So basically, the symptoms can be all over. You will likely feel ok in the mornings and like someone hit you with a truck in the afternoon. You will often feel like you're "making it up." You aren't. And you are not crazy. And you do not have to do this alone. Find someone who understands. Ask questions. Believe you'll get better, but it's ok to also be over it. It's ok to say this sucks. And it's ok to be angry. Just uh...hey, use that anger and help us get people to mask and distance, ok? We can use all the help we can get. :) Love and peace to all of us as we navigate this beast.

Edit: So after I posted this I somehow forgot to mention the INSATIABLE thirst. I spent many nights filling up my 32 ounce yeti cup with water all night long. I had to drink constantly in order to get any sleep at all. I believe this had to do with the neurological effects of covid. One of the worst of these is not being able to sleep. The insomnia is horrible. And I'm not just talking waking up in the middle of the night. I'm talking like sitting up for 8 straight hours, unable to sleep. Then when that does get better, you can be woken up gasping for air and a racing heart. Those things are gone for me now, and I'm honestly grateful I forgot! I was pretty sure that would never get better. Now my neurological symptoms are forgetting words, losing my train of thought, and a brain fog...and yes Dad, that is different than normal. 🙄 Hang in there guys!!