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Sunday, August 14, 2011

Low Carb and Loving It

So, I've lost a couple of pounds.  Nothing amazing or earth-shattering, just enough that I'm not currently lying on the bed to button my jeans.  (Wonder what that little running bunny would think of me now???)  Anyway, I've been working out 20 minutes a day and watching my carb intake.  I, like every other woman I've ever met, LOVE carbs.   However, it's probably one of the most effective ways to lose a few pounds.  Having said that, I am NOT one of those people that will tell you that the modified meals that I've been eating are "just as good as the real thing."  Who do these people think they're kidding?  If it's fat free and sugar free, it's gonna taste something like flavored cardboard.  We all know it's the truth, no matter what we tell ourselves.

I recently saw fat free oreos in the grocery store.  What the hell is the point?  If I'm gonna eat an oreo, it's gonna taste like a freaking oreo.  Can you imagine wasting the few precious calories you get in a day on something that someone "tried" to make taste like the real thing?  No. And don't ever trust a skinny person when they tell you that this "new hamburger bun made entirely of wax paper" is delicious!!  They have forgotten what food tastes like, and are pissed because they haven't actually eaten in the past 10 years. 

The truth is, the weight-loss thing is not easy for all of us.  If you are thin, one of two things are probably true. You are either one of those people who just happen to be skinny despite eating 6 ding dongs for breakfast everyday (in which case you should probably sleep with one eye open), or you've been in a state of near-starvation for an extended period of time and are lying to yourself about the "deliciousness" of the newest rice cake.  I was once actually interested in how the whole vegetarian/vegan thing works and read a book about the types of foods they eat and why.  I was almost sold on the idea until one of them started talking about this "new cheese that looks and tastes like the real thing and ALMOST melts!"  Ummm, excuse me?  We have to get excited about cheese melting?  Sorry, but that is one thing that I fully expect my cheese to do.  If we are looking for ways to make it melt, it isn't cheese, and I'm not eating it.  So...vegan...out.

It's also difficult to stay on a diet during that one time of the month that you are likely to become ravenous, and dream of emptying every cabinet in your kitchen.  (If you are a man reading this and just became uncomfortable, get over yourself.  It happens, and there isn't anything you can do about it, so quit fearing it.  In fact, get out a book or two and educate yourself.  It would save me a LOT of exasperated eye-rolls).  Anyway, I hate it when people try to give me snacks that are going to get me through this time of immense craving.  "Here, try this sugar-free jello with cool-whip!  You'll love it! You won't even know it's healthy!"  Yeah, ok lady, you keep telling yourself that, while I go over to the refrigerator section and pour chocolate syrup directly into my mouth.

Needless to say, I may not be following the most strict diet available, but I do think it may be time to call that little energizer bunny and challenge her to a rematch.  I'll bet this time I'd only have to wear ONE pair of spanx, and only throw up half of my lung.  She'd be so jealous.

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