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Friday, August 12, 2011

Sticky Situation

Why is my life so sticky?  About 8 years ago, I started noticing the beginnings of a strange sort of "gooiness" in my life.  I've decided that something being "gross" is very much relative to your current situation.  For example, I have known those women who wear gloves when they do dishes because the feel of the water on their hands is just "yucky."  Yeah, well let me tell you something about yucky, my friend.  Kids give you a whole new perspective when it comes to all things disgusting.

A friend of mine recently told me that she noticed something on the back of her neck.  She reached up to scrape it off and found it to be a dried on piece of some sort of food.  She has no idea when it got there, and is fairly certain that she was not the one eating it.  This is the perfect way to explain the "ickiness" of being a mom.  We are literally, a human kleenex.  I honestly can't remember the last time I had a shirt that DIDN'T have something crusty/gooey on the left shoulder.  And, I absolutely LOVE when a newly engaged friend flashes her sparkly diamond my way, because I almost immediately think, "That's awesome, wonder what it will look like with baby poop smeared on it."

It's like being a mom means that you no longer recognize a "right place" and "right time" to have the icky conversations.  My daughter went to the bathroom in a store once, and came out with a horrified look on her face.  Of course the stalls were full of other women, and she says, "Mommy!!!  Come look at my poop!  It's green, and it has a beard!!"  Yeah, great.  One more place that I can't shop anymore.  Thanks, dear.

We've all done the unthinkable as moms.  And if someone tells you they haven't done something absolutely repulsive as a result of mommyhood, they are either a) lying, or b) not actually raising their own children.  Here are a few of the gross things we've all done, but some are too embarrassed to admit (note: after 4 children embarrassment is sort of non-existent).  You know you're a mom if...

1.  You've ever given your child a 30 second spit-bath before meeting someone new.

2. You've ever lifted a child high enough into the air in order to stick your nose directly into their butt-crack to determine whether or not you need to change a number 2.  (note: mothers do this all the time, and we don't give it a second thought.  It's sort of like waiting for the turkey timer to pop up.  Just part of the day.)

3.  You've ever dropped your child's pacifier, picked it back up off of the street and licked it off before shoving it back into your kid's mouth. (a slightly germy, quiet baby is better than a screaming one.)

4.   You've ever pulled over on the side of the road, held your daughter up in a sort of squatting position and watched helplessly as she pees directly on your foot.

5.  You've ever smelled something exceedingly vile, checked every butt in the house and eventually discovered that it's the soured milk smell of your nursing bra.  Yeah, gotta change those things every once in awhile. 

6.  You've ever looked down at your hands after a really long, hard day and noticed something slightly yellowish smeared across your knuckle and tried to remember if you'd eaten mustard that day.  In all likelihood it is baby poop, but you figure that pretending it's mustard means that you can just wash it off tomorrow if it happens to be shower day.

These are just a few of the beautiful moments in a Mommy's life.  But, like anything else, we must take the good with the bad.  Sure, I have to wipe butts while eating, but I also get the biggest, squishiest hugs imaginable.  And to be honest, I wouldn't trade those for anything.  Even if they are slightly sticky.

1 comment:

  1. Shannon!!! You are just AWESOME..... Thanks for making me smile today.... :)