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Monday, November 14, 2011

Honesty is the best policy

Honesty is the best policy, right?  I mean, that's what I tell my children.  My entire blog is based upon not being afraid to tell the truth.  And, I stand by this claim 100%...unless of course the persons reading this happen to be my husband or my children.  I am a woman after all, and sometimes it is probably just better to come up with a really good lie/compliment in order to ensure your allowance back into my house.

My propensity for honesty has actually gotten me into trouble throughout my life.  Of course there are those moments when I should probably just keep quiet so as to dispel any sort of awkward situation, and instead find myself all but standing on my chair in the middle of the room sharing my version of the truth.  But, recently  the trouble has been that I've noticed my children being entirely too honest about things...mainly me.  Here are a few examples:

1. "Mommy, when I get big are my boobies going to get long and fall down like yours?"  -Addison

2. Morgan:  "Mommy, is art a talent?"
    Me:  "Yes it is."
    Morgan:  "Mommy, does everyone have a talent?"
    Me:  "Everyone is good at something, so yes."
    Morgan:  "Oh well, anyway...when are you going to get a talent?"

3.  "You know, Mommy, you may think you are young right now, but you would be dead in cat years."  Addison

4.  Morgan and I once went into a public restroom and shared a stall.  This was our conversation:
     Morgan:  "Mommy, can you get my toilet paper ready right now?"
     Me:  "Ok, why?  You can just get it yourself when you're done, can't you?"
     Morgan:  "Well, yes, but you are gonna go potty next and I won't be able to throw it in the potty seat because your bottom is SO big and there won't be any room."

5.  I recently sang at a wedding, and I hadn't done so for many years.  I was enjoying the comments from friends and family praising the job I had done.  But, when you have children you should never worry about getting a big head.  They tend to fix that problem.
Me:  "Well, that was fun.  What did you think?" (to my son, Logan)
Logan: "Yeah, do you think it was the microphone that made it sound bad?"
Me:  "Excuse me?"
Logan:  "Well, I mean I've heard you do it at home and it was good.  I'll bet it was the microphone."

And while we're on the subject of telling the truth, men should know that there is only one way to answer the, "how do I look?" question. Here's the thing, if she thought for one second that she looked anything less than great in what she has on, she never would have come out of the dressing room in the first place.   You just smile and tell her she looks great.  EVERY SINGLE TIME!  It is never acceptable to give us your honest opinion when it comes to something we're wearing.  In fact, if a woman ever asks a question related to her appearance just let your mind sort of glaze over and pretend that she just told you that your favorite team just won the pennant.  Even if she says, "No, I REALLY want you to tell me the truth."  She is lying.  Go with the pennant, trust me. 

I'm ultimately going to stick with my original premise, that is, HONESTY IS THE BEST POLICY.  Unless of course you have ever inhabited my uterus, or if I have agreed to take your last name.  In either case, you still owe me.

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