Three

Toy cars.
Elmo.
Mickey Mouse.
Skinned knees.
These are things a three-year-old should have on his birthday.  I don't feel like those things should be so much to ask.  I'm not asking for perfection.  I don't need potty training, or perfect manners.  I don't care about the best birthday cake and the most amazing gifts.  I don't need the perfect party theme or balloons and favors.  I just want you.

Your birthday is this Saturday, and as a gift to myself I picture how you'd look if you were here.  But, if I get to wish, I am going to go all the way with it.  I don't picture you here as you were.  I see you as you'd be if your body hadn't betrayed you.  Your curls are slightly longer, but the ornery grin is still there.  I struggle to keep up with you as you run from me giggling.  Run.  How unbelievably beautiful that would be.  That's my wish for you on this third birthday.  RUN, baby.  Move in ways that you couldn't while you were here.  And if you could, stop just long enough to let me know you're here.  I'd really love to "feel" you on that special day.

Your brother and sisters will be buying gifts for you.  They are excited to get you exactly what you'd want.  We know we'll just have to give them away in the end, but what's Super E's birthday without an ETO?  We'll  send you love and kisses from your favorite place on earth.  Look for the lights in the sky because I'm sending three lanterns your way.  I know you'll love them.  I realized I'm wearing the shirt you always liked best. Remember?  The one with the stars on it?  You used to point to them and look at me as I counted them.  Now you get to see the stars and your lanterns from a vantage point that I can only imagine.  Keep pointing...I'll keep counting.

One...Two...Three...

Happy Birthday, my sweet baby boy.