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Sunday, August 26, 2012

Say Cheese

Has anyone else thoroughly enjoyed the "back to school" pics on facebook?  I love them.  Everyone (usually) looks happy and full of so much promise.  It also helps me remember how old my friends' kids are now.  I mean, I remember being pregnant at the same time as several of my friends, but I'll be damned if I remember which one I was carrying at that time.  I love the freshly washed faces and perfectly fitted clothing, the new backpacks and masterfully combed hair.  It makes me feel all sorts of geeky when I take my own children's pics and post them for all to see what a great job I'm doing (we all know that I'm basically just trying to convince myself with said picture, but hey, if you're not rooting for yourself, who is?)

However, as I was perusing my fb page and checking out all the cute little kiddos in their brand new attire, a thought occurred to me. Wouldn't it be great to see a REAL photo of kids going to school?  Something tells me that would be even more entertaining.  So, I vow to take a pic of my kids on some random Thursday in February.  I can already imagine what this pic would look like.  My oldest son's hair will be standing on end, because he's letting it grow and by that time he's sure to bear a remarkable resemblance to Tom Hanks in Castaway (and yes, I could make him cut it, but I'm too tired).  My youngest daughter will only have one shoe on, because it's imperative that she only be able to locate one shoe per day.  This is just in case Mommy is feeling even slightly sane, she's able to tip the scales back in her favor (which, I swear, is Mommy-looking-like-a-crack-addict).  My oldest daughter won't even be in the picture because she'll still be in the house looking for her library book that I told her twelve times to locate the night before.  If she does make it in time to say cheese, it will be with an ugly twisted look of pain on her tear-stained face because, "Mommy yelled at me for just being a little kid."  (Yes, she is THAT manipulative).  And my youngest son?...well, he isn't even IN school yet, but he will most certainly have something to do with our tardiness.  In fact, I'll probably have to wake him from a DEAD SLEEP because he was up partying all night long with Mommy and Daddy. (And if you're wondering to yourself whether or not Daddy actually gets up with him, the answer is, YOU BET YOUR ASS! We BOTH work, thank you very much).

And you all know that every single member of the family will be sporting some sort of "greenish glow" due to the past two weeks of school-related illness.  From December-April, everyone within a 30 mile radius of an elementary school is either going to be vomiting or shitting their brains out for an extended period of time.  And just to make it extra special, the children will take turns and drag it out so long that you'll consider moving their mattresses to the bathroom, just to save you a few steps in the middle of the night.

Yep, I think these pics would be quite amusing.  And, maybe they would remind us that not everything is roses all the time.  Not everyone wakes up every morning with a smile on their face and a pat on the back for little Janie and Johnny.  "Off to school my little miracles!  Make Mommy proud!"  No, no, no.  It's more like, "Here, eat this pop tart as fast as you can and for the last time, STOP telling your sister that she's going to get called to the principal's office.  Because, I will call him myself little missy and see to it that it's your narrow butt that gets dragged in there in front of all of your friends! And you over there, if you don't get that shoe on in the next three seconds I'm going to make you eat it..."

Okay, everybody, SAY CHEESE!

1 comment:

  1. i'll do it too if you remind me... i'll probably just be a zombie version of myself by the time february rolls around. school years are so long.