Maybe it's the weather, or the fact that I've recently been given a reason to be grateful for the life that I have, or maybe it's because people keep telling me that my blog makes them NEVER want to have children (oops), but I'm feeling nostalgic today. I feel the need to remind myself and anyone reading, that although I use sarcasm/humor to describe my life, it is one that I have (at least partly) chosen. Yes, children make your life insane and sometimes you forget that you are someone outside of wife and mommy, but if it weren't also wonderful, do you think I would have four of them? Somehow things get balanced out in the end:
-My first delivery was scary, painful, and at times, life threatening. But, the birth of my son made me a mommy for the first time. I was able to experience a new kind of love that I will never be able to describe in words. And although I was exhausted, scared, and occasionally in and out of consciousness, I would do all of it again. Every agonizing hour of labor, every painful step afterward, and even every sleepless night.
-My kitchen table is covered in ants, but it's because my three-year-old (who can't muster enough energy to clean her room) spent 45 minutes, diligently gathering the best dandelion bouquet that she could find. "Here Mommy, I brought you some pretty flowers." So, the ants are big enough to carry off a small dog...I have flowers.
-I have those days where absolutely nothing goes right. No one takes a nap, the house is trashed, supper is ruined and someone has flushed the keys down the toilet. But, this is the day that my 5 year old gets in the van after school and says, "Mommy, one of the girls in my class always has to be in the middle when we play duck, duck, goose. She doesn't run very fast. So, today I ran a little slower so that she could catch me. Today she didn't have to be in the middle." And that, my friends, is a successful day.
-When I go for a jog, I've got more jiggle than a bowl full of jello. My thighs have become "closer" friends than they ever wanted to be, and my bust went from a 36 B to a AA long. But, I felt each of my babies move before anyone else in the world. I was able to nurse each of them for their first year of life. That makes me the luckiest jello jiggler in the world.
-I haven't slept in 8 years. The bags under my eyes could count as a "carry-on" at any airline. But sometimes at night, I stay up just a little longer to have one of my babies curled on my lap to read just one more story. And every few words, I steal another sniff of baby shampoo.
-I have to carry other people's crap all day long. At any given moment, I can be seen holding dolls, shoes, a sippy cup, a baby carrier (complete with fat breastfed baby), underwear, and any other random object my children hand over during the day. But I will ALWAYS have enough strength left at the end of the day to hoist my 40 pound 3 year old, because I am in love with her "big mommy hugs." Have you ever had anyone hug you with their whole body? She wraps arms and legs as far as they can go and squeezes as tight as she can. That one moment is worth a week of therapy.
I'm sure that 30 seconds after I post this, I will want to pull each of my graying hairs out one by one. The house will be destroyed, because I've now been on the computer for 20 minutes, and I'll probably have to wipe someone's hind-parts. But, for right now I'm considering myself one lucky girl.