We have recently discovered that episodes of Mickey Mouse Clubhouse drastically decrease the number of seizures that our son has on a daily basis. So, naturally I have several VERY important questions. Such as:
What happens if Micky accidentally chooses the WRONG mousekatool? I mean, is he just screwed then?
And, who knew there were so many different uses for an elephant? He can make those bastards do anything!
I also wanna know why they keep including Pete in all of their parties and games? The guy is an asshole to them most of the time, and still he ALWAYS gets an invite. I know, I know turn the other cheek and all of that bull, but seriously the mouse can't go anywhere without that big oaf demanding payment via food of riddle solving.
And, of course the question that everyone has been asking for years...why is it that Pluto has to be Mickey's barking pet crawling around on all fours, but Goofy (who is obviously a dog too) gets to be Mickey's friend, the silly, talking biped?
Go ahead and make fun of me for my vast knowledge of the Mouse, but let me assure you that I would MUCH rather watch 30 episodes of Mickey Mouse Clubhouse than 30 seconds of one of those stupid Kardashian shows. I mean, come on people, what the hell? First of all, their first names both start with the same letter as their last name? Well, isn't that Kute? Or perhaps, just Koincidence? Anyway, I wanna know what those parents did when their kids were born. I'm guessing it was something like, "Awww, isn't she beautiful? I've got an idea, when she gets older let's buy her some gigantic fake breasts, tell her that her looks are the only thing she's got going for her, and put her on a television show whose express purpose is to make Americans dumber with each passing second!" Yes, so sweet.
I mean, are we really SO bored that we've resorted to watching rich, spoiled people make stupid decisions? I tell you what, those Kardashians could learn a thing or two from the Mouse. Sure, he's probably had a few indiscretions where Minnie was concerned. He may have stepped away a few times in the past 50 years and had a little fling with Daisy. Who could blame him? She's a very attractive duck. But then there would be the whole "mixed marriages" issue. The point is, he can have these mishaps in life and not broadcast them to the world. He knows we don't want to hear about his screwed up personal life. And do you know why? Because the Mouse has class, that's why.
And as for Kourtney Kardashian (Or Kiki, or Kookie, or whatever the hell her name is), I've never seen HER do anything cool with an elephant.