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Sunday, March 6, 2011

Always leave things the way you found them...

It is very important to me that my children always clean up after themselves after a playdate.  I tell them that we must leave things the way we've found them out of respect to our hosts.  However, I really wish that I could have instilled this little nugget of wisdom while my kiddos were in utero.  I mean, I realize that it's partly my fault that they were in there in the first place, but I don't remember giving anyone permission to go rearranging parts of a once relatively decent body and therefore rendering it unrecognizable to anyone with two good eyes.

I distinctly remember a time when I could put a bra on without rolling my boobs up from my knees and tucking them in for the day.  Now I have to listen to my 5-year-old question when exactly it was the my "boobies fell down."  And who said that it was okay to stretch my body to unimaginable distances, so that my stomach now resembles some kind of roadmap to hell?  I understand that changes are going to happen.  You're bringing another life into the world.  I just think it could be done with a little more respect to the female form.

The problem is, it doesn't stop there.  I'm also a breastfeeding mother.  Don't get me wrong, this is a choice I made and honestly wouldn't have it any other way.  However, it is NOT necessary when searching for the source of every sound in the room to bite down and take my boob with  you.  It isn't going anywhere. And frankly they are too tired and overworked to come back from that kind of trauma.  I've reluctantly accepted that I will be sporting the "tennis ball in an old sock" look for the rest of my natural life.

Oh I've heard all of the claims of true beauty as a mother.  You know what I'm talking about...those people that walk around calling their stretchmarks "battle scars"  or "badges of honor."  In fact, I'm guilty of saying such things myself.  Let's cut the crap people.  I love my children more than anything else in the world, but I want my ass back.


  1. ...I AM IN AGREEMENT WITH EVERY WORD YOU WROTE, and let's face it I know you well enough, I'm in agreement with every word you didn't write about this subject! The way I figure it, YOU CAN'T POLISH A TURD-I'm talking about my war torn body here...Heidi Klum is a cyborg

  2. When Olivia was first done nursing, I thought, ok, this isn't so bad. Then, my boobs just deflated. They actually look like they are frowning. It really is that bad, and I have one more child to go. We are stopping at two, I don't think my body could survive more abuse. I went bra shopping, more traumatic now than EVER before! I have no idea what size I am! I have found something reasonably close though. However it doesn't help the muffin top look I have. I skipped stretch marks. That little fact helps me cling to my sanity!

  3. Thank you for the mid-day LOL Shannon. Love the blog.