We have a lot of "firsts" in our lives. First words, first steps, first dance, etc. However, nothing is more beautiful than first-time parents. And by beautiful, of course, I mean entertaining. As an RN on the labor and delivery floor, I was fortunate enough to experience MANY firsts! One of my all-time favorites was a cute little Mom be-bopping up the hallway toward the labor desk with immaculate hair and perfectly manicured finger nails. Before she even opens her mouth we are CERTAIN that this is her first time. She practically skips up to the desk with a smile on her face and makes the announcement..."Hi! Today is my due date! Where do I need to go?" Now this has become of those situations where you use every ounce of self-control that you can muster, and simply say something to the effect that you actually need to BE in labor to be here. We all know what you really want to do is roll around on the floor pissing yourself, because this cute little pixie has no freaking clue what's about to happen to her life. You also know that when she does actually come in for the real thing, she will be the one telling you her pain is a 10 because the blood pressure cuff is squeezing her too hard.
Another favorite moment in OB was when an amazingly doting father brought his brand new son to the nursery for the night. When I opened the door, he handed me a list of feedings and record of pee pee, poo poo, burps, farts, blinks, etc. I believe he had even recorded times, smell, consistency, and hell...even taste for that matter. I must have seemed surprised to be receiving such wonderful information, because he also thought it necessary to add that although he knows we like to swaddle the "other" babies quite tightly, HIS son didn't like being restricted like that. Wow, dude it's amazing that you got all that from this kid that you just met for the first time 45 minutes ago. But, again I just smiled and rolled the bassinet into the nursery, and once behind closed doors swaddled the kid up (yes I did it anyway, get over it) and wished him the best of luck on the rest of his life.
Don't get me wrong, I don't say these things because I was so much better as a first time parent. I was just as insane. I distinctly remember almost breaking my damn back trying to wedge the bassinet into the bathroom so that my son would be only inches away from me as I showered. And, of course, at the slightest whimper I'd jump out soaking wet and tend to his every need. Since then, I've had three more children and recently got out of the shower, dried off, got dressed, texted a couple of friends and listened briefly for signs that my fourth child may be needing me at that moment. Then I immediately thought, "Shit! Where did I even put him?" Maybe he's in the living room. First time for everything, right?
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