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Saturday, March 26, 2011

Love that new car smell

Have you ever opened the door of a vehicle belonging to your single/childless friend?  Do you kind of pause, and look around wondering if you should be taking your shoes off before getting inside?  This is because, as a mom, you've completely forgotten about the "new car smell."  Hell, let's face it, at this point you'd settle for driving a ten-speed if didn't smell like an outhouse.

It's alright to admit it.  If you have children your vehicle probably requires you to wear a hazmat suit upon entering.  You probably have at least 1 kool-aid stain, 1 dirty diaper, and 3,000 cheerios somewhere in your car at any given time.  And we've all had that EXTREMELY unfortunate experience of opening the door and getting knocked backward eight feet because someone thought it was ok to leave their milk-filled sippy cup under the seat.  Of course, the rule of the spoiled milk cup is that it can only occur in the middle of July when it is 115 degrees outside.  This allows for the optimum temperature for proper congealing, and gives it that signature,  "I think I just threw up my stomach" smell.  If you are a rookie, you will likely locate said sippy cup, reach in and grab it bare-handed, and head for your kitchen sink to begin the cleaning process.  (NOT recommended)  Those of us who have been there and done that will put on the rubber gloves, double bag that thing and throw it in the dumpster outside.  No need to clean it, just buy a new one.  Nothing is worth assaulting your nostrils in that way (and we're moms, we've smelled alot of nasty crap.)

If you happen to be reading this and saying to yourself, "Oh, I will never/have never had a vehicle that looks like that,"  one of two things are true.  You are either childless or you're lying through your teeth.  We all know how the "clean car" thing works.  If I ever have 10 minutes to clean my van, I do so under the premise that it will be destroyed in about 10 minutes.  I usually try to clean it right before I go to pick my kids up from school.  That way, when my kids get in the van, everyone sees how clean I keep my vehicle.  Of course, you can usually tell if I've made it that far that day.  If it's clean, I open it up and loudly announce to my children to get in the van.  This ensures that at least 2 other moms will look in and see how amazing I am! Someone will undoubtedly make a comment about how great my vehicle looks and I'll be like every other mom looking for some positive reinforcement.  I'll put on a smile and pretend like hell that it looks like this all of the time.  However, on most days I can be seen driving by at about 15 mph, throwing kids in through the back window.

The point is that we've all been there.  We know that no matter how hard we try to clean, or how much effort we put into faking it, we are most likely doomed to spend a few years driving a trash heap.  I'm sure that eventually we will miss those kool-aid stains.  We'll wonder where all the noise went, and why the steering wheel isn't sticky anymore.  But, something tells me I won't miss walking into church with a french fry stuck to my ass.


  1. I was JUST telling Callie that I will forever have Hilbing Autobody work on our car. Josh came home after having the car fixed and said, "Honey, they washed and waxed the car... I really think you need to look at it." Of course, this took energy and I just shrugged it off with, great honey... it'll be dirty tomorrow. He insisted and I went out to see to make him happy. To my delight, they had detailed the inside!!! For free!!! Well, I say free... some ding dong that hit my vehicle paid for it, but you can imagine a mother's delight knowing that yes, it will be dirty tomorrow, but I didn't have to expend any effort to "start over"!!!

  2. Everyday at daycare if the kid's have a good day they get a sucker from the 5yo is really good about giving me the sucker sticks...I never could figure out where my 2yo's sticks were going. Until I cleaned my car out and took out his was a sucker graveyard back there...not just the stick but the whole sucker! I have him trained to give me his sucker's now!