I have several well-meaning friends who tell me that I need to MAKE time for myself. This is probably true, and everything I say about it hereafter will probably fall under the "excuses" category. But, you know me...I'm still gonna talk/bitch about it.
I would really LIKE to exercise. Unfortunately, this is as far as I ever get. Well, that's not entirely true. I THINK about exercising all of the time. In fact, if I actually worked out as much as I thought about working out, I'd be 95 lbs and sporting nothing but a thong 24 hours a day. However, somewhere between thinking about it and actually doing it my life jumps in and takes over.
Let's just explore my options here. I know that I could get up early and get a workout in before anyone wakes up, but that would mean forfeiting the only solid two hours of sleep that I've been getting lately. And even if I do start sleeping more, anyone who breastfeeds knows that Zumba just isn't all that comfortable when you're trying to throw around the two bowling balls under your milk-stained shirt. So I guess I'll have to wait until my next "down time." (small chuckle) Ok, no big deal. I'll just make breakfast for the two that have to go to school. Then I'll do their hair, find their shoes (because closets are so overrated), make their lunches, get their book-bags, talk Morgan (the three year-old) into at least wearing underwear for the trip to school, wake the baby up (because of course he's exhausted after being up all damn night), and then get in the van. I always think, "when I get back I'll have time." So, we drop them off and head back home. This is my "positive, go get'um time" because the whole way home I'm thinking about what a great workout I'm going to get when I get home. But, then of course I actually get home and have to feed the baby, clothe the three-year old (although to be honest, this step is optional and probably useless), give whatever medications we're currently taking, and make breakfast for Morgan. Usually Easton (baby) gets fussy about this time and needs his first nap. AWESOME!...I can workout when he goes to sleep! Except that he decides he isn't taking a nap today because he just doesn't feel like it, and instead he would like for me to be up his ass all day. Somehow time flies at this point and it's time to pick the two older kids up from school. So, when we get home, we do homework, play outside (when possible) and start supper.
Again, I know that I should just MAKE the time, but why can't I just be one of those lucky people instead? You know, the kind you want to kill? I love my sister beyond words. She is one of my biggest supporters, and quite frankly I wouldn't be the person I am today without having been able to lean on her every once in awhile. But, she is one of THOSE people. I know it bothers her when I talk about it so I'll just leave it at that. Ok, no I won't, but she'd expect nothing less! She's the girl who finds "great deals" on all kinds of clothes. Yes, there is a reason for that. No one actually wears a size 0 after having three kids. Meanwhile, I was getting into the shower today and realized that there are several phases of cellulite, and I believe that I've reached the "I think my own ass just winked at me" stage.
I realize that this is probably just a phase of life that everyone hits from time to time. So, I'll just have to deal with it like any rational, sleep-deprived mother would...right after I finish this brownie.